Sweet Trivia Question And Answer
Posted on August 20, 2008
1. Chocolate is made from cocoa beans. But where do cocoa beans grow?
\r A. On trees
\r B. On bushes
\r C. On vines
\r D. On roots
\r
\r A. On trees
\r TOPICS: Cocoa beans come from cacao trees that grow in tropical regions of the world
2. During World War II, production of Hershey\’s Kisses was halted. Do you know why?
\r A. Chocolate shortage
\r B. Sugar shortage
\r C. Aluminum foil shortage
\r D. Hershey\’s produced rations instead of candy during the war
\r
\r C. Aluminum foil shortage
\r TOPICS: During World War II, production of Hershey\’s Kisses was halted. Not because of a shortage of chocolate, but because the signature aluminum foil packaging was rationed.
3. Where could the babe that the Baby Ruth candy bar was named for be found at the time?
\r A. Yankee Stadium
\r B. Hollywood
\r C. Broadway
\r D. Washington, D.C.
\r
\r D. Washington, D.C.
\r TOPICS: The Baby Ruth was named after the first child born in the White House - Ruth - who was born to President Grover Cleveland in 1891 and later died in 1904. The candy manufacturer strongly denies any association with the famous Yankee.
4. What candy bar was included in U.S. solders\’ rations during World War II?
\r A. PayDay
\r B. Heath Bar
\r C. Snickers
\r D. Twix
\r
\r B. Heath Bar
\r TOPICS: Heath bars were included in U.S. soldiers\’ rations during World War II because they had been found to have a very long shelf life. Originally marketed as a health food, the Heath bar was advertising as using only the finest ingredients. One early ad read: \”Heath for better health!\”
5. Where was milk chocolate invented?
\r A. England
\r B. America
\r C. Switzerland
\r D. France
\r
\r C. Switzerland
\r TOPICS: A Swiss chocolate maker, Daniel Peter, mixes Henri Nestle\’s condensed milk with chocolate and the two men found a company to manufacture the first milk chocolate.
6. What candy bar was originally packaged to include three separate pieces of candy flavored vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry?
\r A. Twix
\r B. Mounds
\r C. Mars
\r D. 3 Musketeers
\r
\r D. 3 Musketeers
\r TOPICS: When it was first introduced in 1932, the 3 Musketeers bar was packaged to include three separate pieces of candy flavored vanilla, chocolate and strawberry — thus the name THREE Musketeers. Causing some confusion to tourists worldwide, the 3 Musketeers bar is called a Milky Way in European countries, and the U.S. version of the Milky Way is called a Mars Bar.
7. Aztec emperor Montezuma drank 50 golden goblets of hot chocolate every day. What special flavoring did he add?
\r A. Vanilla
\r B. Coffee
\r C. Chili pepper
\r D. Blood
\r
\r C. Chili pepper
\r TOPICS: It was thick, dyed red and flavored with chili peppers.
8. Where do Hershey\’s Kisses get their name?
\r A. Their inventor
\r B. Their flavor
\r C. Their shape
\r D. Their sound
\r
\r D. Their sound
\r TOPICS: Hershey\’s Kisses get their name from the sound and motion of the machines that produce them. It looks and sounds as if the machine is kissing the conveyor belt as it moves along.
9. What flavor is the oldest gum still available today?
\r A. Licorice
\r B. Cherry
\r C. Spearmint
\r D. Clove
\r
\r A. Licorice
\r TOPICS: The oldest gum still available is licorice-flavored Blackjack Chewing Gum. It was first introduced in 1872 and was the first flavored gum in the United States.
10. What candy bar was named after its inventor\’s family horse?
\r A. Twix
\r B. Pay Day
\r C. Snickers
\r D. Almond Joy
\r
\r C. Snickers
\r TOPICS: Originally introduced in 1929 by Frank and Ethel Mars, the Snickers bar was named after their family horse. The original Snickers bars were sold for a nickel and consisted primarily of chocolate, peanuts and caramel.
Find more free trivia question and answer and interesting facts at http://triviatidbitonline.com/
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Bianca Castafiore - The Opera Diva from Tintin
Posted on August 20, 2008
Bianca Castafiore first appears in the King Ottokars Sceptre and was to make an appearance in several of the Adventures of Tintin albums written and illustrated by Herge. Bianca Castafiore character is a Milanese opera singer and her disposition is definitely one of an opera diva.
Herge the creator of Tintin was not a big fan of opera and the creation of Bianca Castafiore was considered by many to be an acknowledgment of that fact. Castafiore is presented as being one of the leading lights in of opera of her generation but in all her appearances in the albums is only heard to sing a couple of lines form The Jewel Song (l air des bijoux) from Faust and then only at deafening volumes \”Ah my beauty past compare, these jewels bright I wear!…Was I ever Margarita? Is it I? Come reply…Mirror mirror tell me truly! It was fair to say that Castafiore was not universally liked by all of the Tintin gang.
Captain Haddock in particular isnt a big Castafiore fan and at one point she even calls him a scruffy little school boy. She shows a maternal instinct for Haddock which he truly hates and when he is later linked romantically to Bianca Castafiore by a newspaper reporter he is revealed by Herge as a very unhappy character indeed. Captain Haddocks is further annoyed by the fact that the signora can never get his name right (see the end of the post for details) and when she ever shows signs of affection for Captain through gifts the results are always calamitous.
Bianca Castafiore (her name means chaste flower) ends up captured along with her entourage (her maid Irma, her musician Igor Wagner and the detectives Thompson and Thompson) in the album Tintin and the Picaros by General Tapioca on the advice of Colonel Sponsz. The general and colonels aim being to lure Captain Haddock, Tintin and Professor Calculus to San Theodoros where they are then accused of conspiring with Castafiore to assassinate and overthrow General Tapioca. Then however through an unseen chain of events General Tapioca is overthrown with the help of the accused. This doesnt help Castafiore as she is unfortunately still imprisoned and is seen to complain of over cooked pasta.
The Names for Captain Haddock Incorrectly used by Bianca Castafiore
1. Mr. Paddock - pg. 12, The Calculus Affair. \r Actually, the first time Captain and Bianca met even Captain said his \r own name wrong, introducing himself as Hoddack.
2. Padlock - pg. 40, The Red Sea Sharks
3. Harrock - pg. 40, The Red Sea Sharks. \r Instead of correcting Castafiore Captain said, …n roll, Signora \r Castoroili, Harrock n roll!
4. Captain Bartok - pg. 6, The Castafiore Emerald.\r Usually when she says his name wrong Captain will say her name \r wrong back on purpose calling her Castoroili.
5. Captain Fatstock - pg. 8, Castafiore Emerald
6. Captain Drydock - pg. 9, Castafiore Emerald\r Um, arent all docks dry?
7. Captain Stopcock - pg. 10, Castafiore Emerald
8. Halibut - pg. 17, Castafiore Emerald \r Bianca never actually called Haddock that, but she obviously gave the \r delivery man that name instead of Haddock when he was \r delivering her piano.
9. Captain Hammock - pg. 21, Castafiore Emerald
10. Captain Paddock - pg. 22, Castafiore Emerald\r Hey, shes called him this in the past!
11. Captain Hassock - pg. 22, Castafiore Emerald
12. Captain Bedsock - pg. 34, Castafiore Emerald
13. Captain Padlock - pg. 55, Castafiore Emerald\r Shes also used this name before!
14. Captain Hatbox - pg. 56, Castafiore Emerald
15. Captain Hemlock - pg. 61, Tintin and the Picaros
Bianca Castafiore is going to be very popular search topic as the movie draws near. John Helios has been a big Tintin fan for a number of years. He is very much looking forward to the new Tintin movie trilogy due for release in 2009.
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Take Me to the Sun
Posted on August 19, 2008
Our space program has received in recent times new encouragement from the Administration and also has been made to suffer the negative publicity created by one of its brave, but passionate female astronauts, or is it astronautress?
Our president has mentioned his wish to see a major plan developed by NASA to conquer space, and to undertake major missions to the moon and to the planet Mars. He wants to revive the enthusiasm and vitality of the Astronaut corps and the interest of the public. Space continues to be a great attraction for people of all ages and a jump-off station on the moon is certain to keep the world with their eyes or telescopes on our satellite.
In a recent visit to the Space center in Houston, his ideas went beyond a simple moon walk. The moon has lost some of its allure; after all, even Tom Hanks has been there.
In a conversation with the Center\’s Head of Public Relations he disclosed some of his ideas. She swears that her account of the conversation the President had with the Chief of the Johnson Space Lab is true:
\”Chief, I hope you heard my State of the Union speech. Space continues to be the most attractive adventure for the human race. We are in a position to make the next move.\”
\”I am glad to hear you say that, Mister President\”
\”You see, we can start with the Moon station, next we embark on the Mars adventure and then we go to the sun!\”
The Chief removed his sunglasses and said:
\”The Sun? Mister President, that is going to be difficult to accomplish. It\’s hot out there!\”
\”Not if you go at night\”\”
Chemical engineer by training, international executive by merit and writer by addiction. Former syndicated columnist of Technology columns, has written for television and movies. His humorous articles contain fine satire and have been published in 4 languages. Quote: \”Love and smiles teach tolerance; days without either are days wasted\”
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Staying On The Funny Side Of Imperfections
Posted on August 18, 2008
\”That\’s it. I\’ve had it,\” I dramatically announced to my husband as we sat in bed reading. He rolled his eyes, no doubt wondering if this was going to be a repeat of last night\’s tirade when I\’d had enough of telemarketers. Or the night before when I\’d had enough of toys that required tools to get them opened. \”These glasses have been crooked for three years,\” I said with the same shocked look I had when I realized not everybody stuffs their pet and puts it by the front door.
\”I told you to get them adjusted. Takes five minutes,\” he murmured without looking up from his magazine. That was one my weaknesses - those little five minute tasks - like rotating the tires, checking the fire alarm batteries, and finding out why I can\’t hear out of my left ear on Saturdays. So I actually did it. I pulled into the vision place across the street, marched up to the counter and said, \”These glasses are really crooked. I need them adjusted.\” The clerk stared at the mangled glasses that looked like they\’d just spent a Friday night wedged in the back seat of Lindsey Lohan\’s limo while she whispers, \”I\’m not drunk. I\’m just stressed.\” The clerk left with my glasses and returned two seconds later and I was on my way. They felt great. Until I got home to a mirror and saw that they were still crooked. \”OH……MY…… GOSH!\” I yelled, as my husband came running into the bedroom still dripping from his unfinished shower.
\”What? What is it?\” he yells in alarm.
\”They\’re STILL crooked!\” I shout.
So I had to go back the next day. Now I\’m mad. One time was fine - but two trips - this was insane. I held an ongoing conversation in my head with the incompetent clerk who was obviously out to get me and probably made it her life\’s mission to send people into the world with crooked vision. \”They\’re still crooked,\” I said through gritted teeth, with a smile and an expression that said \”I\’m on to you little missy. Bringing me out here twice. You must not know who I am and what my time is worth. I\’m a storyteller. I speak for a living. All it\’ll take is one word and I can bring you down.\” Yes, I have a look that says all that. Just ask the dry cleaner.
She sighed, smiled back, and gave me a look that said, \”If I didn\’t need this job I\’d smack you - whoever you think you are - and it can\’t be \”all that\” considering I saw your jacket on the clearance table at Big Lots.\” She sauntered off to adjust my glasses.
\”Let\’s make sure they fit okay?\” she said. \”Before you leave. She placed the glasses on and they felt great. We looked in the mirror. Still crooked.
\”See? I\’m not crazy!\” I squealed.
\”Yep. They\’re crooked,\” she answered.
\”Well, can you fix it?\” I asked drawing each word out like she\’d been struck deaf.
\”The glasses are straight,\” she said pointedly. \”I\’m afraid it\’s you that\’s crooked.\” I swear she smirked.
\”What?\” I thought I had already conjured up every disorder that could possibly exist, and come to find that I might have a crooked face? Wait till I tell Mom. Did I get it from her? Do I come from a long line of crooked-headed women and I\’m just the first to find out about it? Get me to the internet. I\’ve got to see if there are others who\’ve been struck by this phenomenon. Perhaps there is a support group. \”Well, can\’t you just make the glasses crooked?\” I asked giving her the same look I gave the cashier who thought Obama was a terrorist.
\”Can\’t bend \’em anymore or they\’ll break.\” She actually looked happy to be telling me this.
\”This is the strangest thing I\’ve ever seen! Do you get other people in here like this?\” I am oddly comforted by the misfortune of others.
\”Oh, yeah, all the time. Sometimes people have one ear higher than the other - or maybe it\’s the eyebrows. Yeah, sometimes they have one eyebrow higher than the other. Maybe that\’s your problem.\” She stared intently at my face. \”Yeah, that\’s it. Look! You\’ve got one eyebrow higher than the other.\” And that\’s when the problem slowly shifted into focus. My cheeks reddened and I rushed from the store with my glasses before she could figure out that my uneven eyebrows were not blamed on nature, but on my unsteady hand as I groggily drew them on every morning. I sat in the car and stared at what was now so obvious. I had been drawing my eyebrows on crooked. Sure enough, one eyebrow was a good quarter inch higher than the other. I had been walking around for years looking like a circus freak. I had been walking around with a mixed expression of confusion and surprise on my face. No wonder they stared at me in Target. No wonder the other mothers shielded their kids when I came around. No wonder those door-to-door church people kept coming back. How could this have happened to me? Even more - how could my husband not have noticed? This was all his fault. I was waiting for him when he got home from work - sitting in the dark holding an empty glass. \”How could you?\” I asked.
\”What?\” he answered without stopping as he marched into the kitchen for a drink, totally ruining my dramatic effect.
\”How could you not tell me?\”
\”Good grief. Not this autism thing again. I told you, you\’re not autistic. Just because you get stressed when your routine is broken doesn\’t mean anything. A little nuts. A little OCD, but not autistic.\”
\”Not that,\” I answered. \”My eyebrows. How could you not tell me my eyebrows were crooked? After all these years.\”
\”Who told you that?\” He asked coming in for a closer look.
\”The girl at the vision place told me. They\’re crooked.\”
\”Weird.\” He opened the paper and began to read.
\”That\’s all you can say?\”
\”What do you want me to say?\”
\”Nothing. I wanted you to notice me every once in a while. To notice that one eyebrow was higher than the other. All it took was one look - one tiny look. And you couldn\’t even do that. All you had to say was that my eyebrow was crooked and I could have erased it and started over and we wouldn\’t be having this conversation and the neighbors wouldn\’t think I\’m a freak.\”
\”The neighbors already thought you were a freak long before that. You were the one who got locked out of the house in your stilettos and curlers. You were the one who drank too much at the Jenkins\’ birthday party and crawled into the dog\’s bed and fell asleep. And what do you mean you\’ll erase it and start over?\” I had finally gotten his attention.
\”My eyebrow. If I\’d known it was crooked I would have erased it and drawn it lower.\” I showed him what I meant by rubbing one eyebrow furiously until there was nothing left but a couple of invisible hairs. He actually backed away from me.
\”Are you telling me you draw your eyebrows on? With one of those pencil things? Like my great aunt Ethel who uses a cigarette holder and talks to her purse?\”
\”Yes,\” I answered, suddenly wondering if this fell into the category of things a man wouldn\’t understand - kind of like how I can actually see better once I have my eyeliner on- or how it is worth it to wear those suck-me-in panties and look a size smaller even if it does squash my ovaries. \”Yes, I draw my eyebrows on.\” I said it like every woman did it. As if he was the one who was nuts. It didn\’t work.
I could hear him laughing all the way from the garage where I had marched in anger after grabbing my keys and saying only that I was going out - as if to insinuate that he should be worried - when really I was going out to drown my sorrows in a double fudge waffle cone which always makes me feel better. I needed to get out. I just wish I had remembered that I was now missing one eyebrow.
Kelly Swanson
\r Staying on the funny side…
\r http://www.kellyswanson.net
\r kelly@kellyswanson.net
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Viagra Vs Cialis: The Fine Dividing Line
Posted on August 18, 2008
Many people freak out on Viagra, while some go totally gung ho on Cialis; may be it is all about the basic human taste, you love ice-cream, well, and Id rather munch those cookies. The philosophy may not be this simple, but there is only a fine line that separates you and me, you, who dote on Viagra, with your I dont give a damn attitude and I, a Cialis lover, with my been there, seen it and done that mindset. Sexual play, an act that is a game for you, is a sacred ritual of love for me. Period.
With Viagra, you can discharge your seeds with the velocity of a rocket propeller in zero gravity. Viagra gives man an erection, second to none in vigor and energy, unparallel to any erection in terms of its sheer intensity. It is definitely a big hit with men, who go about copulating wildly and feverishly as if there is no tomorrow, caring not the ramifications their untamed actions can lead to. Men with a one night stand in mind sing the Viagra song. Relationships and emotional bonds are a far cry, entities totally alien to their very flirty existence. The Viagra anthem goes by the tune, hit when the iron (rod) is hot.
Guys who want to walk the wild side of life keep harping on Viagra as a perfect company befitting a journeyman. They are high on passion but low on compassion. They dont give a damn when it comes to who they mate and how they mate, as long as they get the chance for a lay. Knock, knock, goes the count and it is another addition to the score line, knocking out more damsels as they pass by. Fueled by Viagra, with its instant vitalizing booster, they are no less than a bitch on heat. Viagra flare up the sexual temper in a sudden upsurge, only to ebb away in no time much like the receding wave. Viagra is for them, they who want sex with no strings attached, flamboyant playboys, who go on the rampage, making a headcount of their conquests of the fairer sex. To them sex is all about motions devoid of emotions.
Well, what about the other breed of men, who swear on Cialis for consistent, unwavering and steady moments of sex? They are lovebirds of the world, struck by the romance of the word. Cialis allows them the passion and the compassion to make love, the way they love. There is no looking back for these blokes after that one shot on the goal, they just keep on scoring and scoring, over and over again, till the game is won all out. Cialis takers dont believe in half-baked methods; they see to it that no part of the female mind and her physical anatomy is left insatiated.
If a firm and steady relationship is at the back of a persons mind, and hes head over heels in love, the satisfaction and pleasure of his partner would be a matter of the highest concern and priority. Cialis is the ultimate weapon of desire, a choice strengthened by its ability to go with you all along the way, indeed a 36 long hours, which by no means is a mean feat. Consistency is their forte, and regularly do Cialis users take their partners to amazing and fancy heights of sexual ecstasy, and engage them in pursuit of delights, undreamed of even in their wildest fantasy. It is pleasure uninterrupted for them.
Viagra poppers make no pains to portray themselves as a bunch of party troopers, with zero level of commitment, hooked only to the physicalities of a sexual enactment. For them, its just momentary pleasure, the instant escalation and spiraling of the libido, with no further ado. The heady mix of crazy uncontrollable passion blows in like a wild gust of wind, and bang it goes even before you realize it, much like the way it came.
However, the Cialis brigade sees love and commitment as the driving force that gives them an added impetus to the ritual of sex. They wish to stop at nothing short of a total adoration and worship of the female species. With Cialis giving them a sexual calm, not unsettling them one moment in an entire span stretching one and a half day, they can douse the fire of passions raging in the mind and body of the fairer sex.
Viagra is a 100 meter heat, while Cialis is a sexual marathon.
Viagra is for the passing, while Cialis is for keeps. And there, lies the difference.
The writer is a freelancer who writes on various health issues. Log on to http://www.viagrathunder.com and http://www.buy-viagra-with-us.com for the latest news, research, articles, jokes, controversies etc related to men\’s health.
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Humor - The Benefits
Posted on August 17, 2008
Did you know that the sound of someone laughing is more contagious than a cough? Research has shown us that there are many benefits of laughing. Laughing triggers the chemistry of the will to live and it will increase your capacity to fight disease. Having a good laugh will relax your body and reduce issues associated with high blood pressure. It will also help with problems associated with arthritis, ulcers and strokes. There even has been research showing that it may also reduce the risk of heart disease.
It makes sense because emotions that are distressful, such as anger, depression, stress and anxiety, are related to heart disease. You can\’t be angry or anxious if you are having a really good laugh. The University Of Maryland Medical Center did a study that showed that having a good sense of humor during a stressful situation could help the damaging physical effects of distressing emotions. Here are a few things that having a good mirthful laugh will do for you: it will reduce your stress; boost your mood and your immune system. It will lower your blood pressure, improve your brain function, help you become relaxed and make you feel good and protect your heart.
People who laugh on a regular basis have lower blood pressure than the average person. When you laugh your blood pressure will initially go up then become lower than the normal level, your breathing will then be deeper and that sends oxygenated blood throughout our body. Laughing will decrease your stress hormone and will increase antibodies to fight infections.
Having a sense of humor may help protect you against a heart attack. Research shows that laughing may help prevent heart disease and also found that people that already had heart disease were about 40% less likely to laugh compared to other people about the same age that did not have heart disease.
Ever laugh so hard your stomach hurt? That\’s because we get a really good workout when we laugh. It will workout your diaphragm, abdominal muscles, respiratory, leg and back muscles. Laughing hard will tone your intestinal functioning and will make the muscles that hold the abdominal organs in place stronger. You can burn about the same amount of calories laughing than on an exercise bike.
Doctors have pointed out that having a sense of humor can teach perspective by helping people see the reality of the situations rather than distort it to support their distress. Humor can shift the way we think and distress can alter the way we think. It really isn\’t the situation that causes stress; it is the meaning we put behind the situation. Humor can adjust the meaning of the situation so that it is not so overwhelming.
Try these few ideas to help improve your mood and have a sense of humor on life. Try to laugh at events rather than be distressed by them. It will improve your disposition. Try laughing to help release any pent up anger or frustration by visualizing a humorous event to replace the anxiety-producing situation.
Michael Russell\r Your Independent guide to Humor
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Artificial Intelligence - Understanding a Joke and Responding with Another One
Posted on August 17, 2008
Artificial Intelligence is getting better all the time, soon, AI software engineers will create joke recognition systems, where the computer will understand irony and know when the human is telling a joke, then reciprocate with a joke of their own, perhaps creating a joke from scratch.
The system would be pre-loaded with all the jokes common to human interaction in all cultures. It will be able to pick one that has most likely not been heard by the human they are working with at the time; also put in memory that it has been told to that individual so it does not repeat it.
Wow, this is getting complicated fast isn\’t it, and this is exactly why it has not been fully achieved. Humor has been a huge stumbling-block for human voice recognition and artificial intelligence systems, yet it is something that humans have a knack for. Still, they are working on this challenge and we will see it within 5 to 10 years, the AI software folks will have that problem licked.
This will mean advances for human companions for long-term space flight, help with rehabilitation and ease the tension of humans working along side robotic partners or assistants, as the transition of robot and human workers takes place. Since robots will be working with and assisting humans, it will be necessary to keep the peace to foster cooperation.
Some consider the programming of humor the ultimate accomplishment for Artificial Intelligence and this maybe a point that humans accept their Artificial Intelligent assistants as one of them. The future cometh, and it will not be long now.
\”Lance Winslow\” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/. Lance is a guest writer for Our Spokane Magazine in Spokane, Washington
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How to be Shakespeare
Posted on August 16, 2008
When youre writing an article, and youre not sure how to begin, it usually helps to start by talking about how you were assigned the article.
Take this one, for example. Im only doing this because Morris said Please write something humorous. Of course, I was more than happy to try but what did he want me to write about? Anything.
So I start this article in that tried-and-true method: making it clear that its the editors fault if it doesnt work. Unfortunately, as Morris knows, nobody falls for that one. So I just have to find something useful to talk about. This is, of course, a good opportunity to talk about any number of world issues, from global warming to kids who eat too much junk food. But no, thats too depressing. This is supposed to be humorous. How about politics? No, too depressing. Celebrities? No, too depressing. Giraffes? Actually, I find giraffes EXTREMELY funny, but as nobody agrees with me, I wont mention them.
Quickly, I rush to the newspaper, to see what those humour columnists seem to write about. The silliness of politicians, mainly. And celebrities. (Very few of them write about giraffes. I could only count four or five columns about giraffes, which is a shame, because they were all hilarious.) Otherwise, their favourite subject seems to be the silly behaviour of their children. Yes, kids are truly amusing. In fact, Im seeing so many columns about funny children that I wonder if these people actually KNOW anybody else. Is having kids a prerequisite of a newspaper job? All I can say is that, if theyre making so much money out of discussing their children, theyd better leave a generous inheritance.
I dont have any kids, which leaves with me nothing to write about and if a writer is not inspired by anything, his work might be readable, but it wont exactly be Shakespeare.
A pity, because I get a lot of emails from aspiring writers saying, Mark, how can I be the new Shakespeare? (Actually, nobodys ever asked me that, but they really should.) Well, Im glad you asked (even though you didnt). As far as I can tell, there are five things that Shakespeare did to achieve his greatness:
1. Invent a bunch of new words.
Remember when your mother scolded you for saying nonsense words? You can point out to her that Shakespeare himself invented countless words, from academe to zany (and he even invented countless). This must have really confused people in Elizabethan England, but probably made them think he was really smart. So if you want to impress people, you can say Greetings, Id like to zamzibunk my pastiforene indackle, but corun with immungunous and extra mayonnaise. Before long, you will be mingling in the highest literary circles.
2. Dont tell anyone who you are.
At last count, most people in Elizabethan England (from the Queen down) have been credited as the true author of Shakespeares plays. From what I can tell, the logic of scholars is that very little is known about Shakespeare, so he was probably too dumb to write his own plays. In fact, Shakespeare was so dumb that some people reckon that it was actually Christopher Marlowe who wrote most of the plays even though Marlowe was dead. One thing for sure: Shakespeare is a far more enigmatic celebrity than, say, Nicole Kidman. There was NO magazine coverage of his wedding, and nobody even knows who designed his clothes.
3. Steal all of your stories.
Or most of them, at least. Shakespeare stole almost all of his plots from other peoples books. Of course, if Shakespeare was really Ben Jonson or Christopher Marlowe or Queen Elizabeth or Lawrence of Arabia this situation becomes even more obtuse.
4. Dont give too many stage directions.
No, keep them to a minimum. Let the actors work all that out for themselves. Stage directions are for losers!
5. Spend all your time at the pub.
Have you ever been to Stratford-on-Avon, Shakespeares home town? Its a nice little hamlet, not too far from London. Its main attraction (apart from the authentic postcards) is the large number of old-style pubs with signs saying Shakespeare drank here. Im not sure which one was his favourite place, but apparently he went to all of them so no wonder the Queen, Christopher Marlowe and all those other people had to write his plays for him. Shakespeare himself was too busy quaffing ale and singing boisterous folk songs with his drinking buddies.
Obviously, you probably need to do a few other things before you can truly be Shakespeare. For a start, youll need to legally change your name. But otherwise, all of this might be a good start. Hopefully, that has taught you how you can follow in the footsteps of the greatest writer in the English language (apart from Dr Seuss). I suggest that you now take quill to paper (or use a pen they work just as well) and start writing your masterpiece, with plenty of invented words and a great storyline. And if you run out of ideas, hand the whole thing over to Christopher Marlowe.
Mark Juddery is a freelance writer, journalist and author. He is a member of the Canberra Sri Chinmoy Centre. He has published a book and is an prize-winning scriptwriter.
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Mom - The Piano Teacher Is Sleeping Again
Posted on August 16, 2008
I\’ll always remember my first (and last) piano teacher, Mr. Delegato (the name has been changed to protect the guilty). You see, Mr. Delegato was one of those old school teachers. He was very regimental and very old, around 80 I believe. Don\’t get me wrong, he was a nice old man and an incredible musician…he could play rapid-fire arpeggios with his pinky finger. But come lesson time, he turned into Mr. Hyde.
It was Tuesday evening and time for my weekly lesson. Mr. Delegato sat on the sofa directly behind me while I played some warm up exercises. I was ready to begin my lesson when I turned around. Mr. Delegato\’s head was back up against the wall, his mouth wide open. At first, I thought he was dead, at least until he started snoring.
My mom was in the kitchen. I shouted out, \”Mom, the piano teacher is sleeping\”.
I must have shouted it out pretty loud because it Mr. Delegato shook his head a couple of times and woke up. At first, I think he didn\’t know where we was but he quickly gathered his senses, stood up, walked over to me and sat by my side on the piano bench.
\”Let\’s begin\”, he said. So we delved right into today\’s lesson almost without missing a beat. I began playing some etude in C minor, don\’t recall exactly what it was, but it wasn\’t exactly my favorite song.
About 5 minutes had passed. I had been practicing this exercise so much I could play it with my eyes closed. In fact, I did just that. And that\’s when I heard the thump. Mr. Delegato\’s head hit the top front of the piano, and he was out cold again.
\”Mom, the piano teacher is sleeping again\”, I shouted.
This time, he didn\’t wake up immediately. My mom came into the room and had to prod him a few times. When he finally awoke, which felt like about 20 minutes later, once again, he picked up right from where he left off.
Being young and nave, I thought I was boring this guy to tears. Or maybe it was the music. It bored me too. Why couldn\’t I play the songs that I wanted to play, like the Beatles? (it was the sixties after all).
This was my last lesson with Mr. Delegato. In fact, this my last lesson completely. I grew bored with the piano and just wanted to go out and play with my friends.
Thinking back, it must be even harder nowadays. I didn\’t have the Xbox, Nintendo, Gameboy and computer options that the kids have today. Any of those things are more fun than learning to play piano. If only Mr. Delegato didn\’t keep falling asleep on me maybe I would have survived piano boot camp and gone on to be an accomplished musician.
It wasn\’t until about a few years later that I realized Mr. Delegato suffered from narcolepsy (sleeping disorder). Hey, I just thought it was me.
Vincent Miele is the founder & CEO of CYBERMIDI.com. To learn about the Piano Wizard, please visit http://www.piano-wizard.net
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Stealing the Algorithm
Posted on August 16, 2008
I can feel it. The googlebot is coming to get me. You might say I am insane, but I know for certain that Google is a strange company and that the founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, definitely have a master plan for the whole world.
Sure, you might say, \”They are just a couple of innocuous geeks.\” But you probably haven\’t read as deeply into them or their company as much as I have. I can\’t go into too many specific details here because Page & Brin\’s googlebot records everything on the World Wide Web. All I can say for now is that there is more to that gaping white space on Page & Brin\’s famous homepage, www.google.com, then almost anyone realizes.
Google prides itself on minimalism and speed. The perfect combination in an Information Age. That sparse page, www.google.com, has attracted over a billion people since its inception. That such a streamlined creation could change the world boggles the mind. All the big boys, Yahoo, MSN, AOL, desperately fill their portals with as much clutter as possible. Google stays primitive but holds fast to the most ass-kicking search algorithm(s) ever created.
Just think if one could steal Google\’s search algorithm. The possibilities are intoxicating. A few pages of dense, arcane code might be worth over a billion dollars! Of course, I believe there already have been many attempts to steal their sacred algorithm, with a few half-successes. Yahoo, MSN and others probably have gleaned the minds of Google defectors for many years.
Yet Google, led by the mysterious geeks, Larry Page & Sergey Brin, always stays one-step ahead of the competition. They constantly tweak their algorithm to make it the purest, most fair, most thorough page-searching algorithm on the net. Google\’s algorithm weeds out garbage more brilliantly then anyone else. It finds obscure sites quicker than anybody else. How do they do it? The only way to know for sure would be to steal their algorithm.
I am disturbed by Google\’s all-encompassing influence, but I could never even consider the possibility of attempting to steal their sacred algorithm. It would probably be a sin to even recommend such an action. However, many others have penetrated Google\’s recesses and a few have succeeded in doing diabolical tricks. What I am talking about here are individuals who secretly work for other internet portal companies and get hired at Google, posing as run-of-the-mill computer scientists. Google has an incredible vetting process, but a few bad apples get in.
These individuals, bad apples so to speak, lust for Google\’s algorithm. According to strict protocol, only Page & Brin can see the entire algorithm at one time. However, bits & pieces of this crucial code are scattered about at Google headquarters, and the enterprising computer scientist, with enough cloak-and-dagger ingenuity, can sometimes steal a few code nuggets and take them home and then sell them to the competition. That\’s how the world has partially caught-up to Google in page search speed.
Sacred Words by Geek Rulers \r Christopher K Haan is a free-radical blogger and e-ranter who dreams of one day saving the world. He is not ashamed of such a wild dream because he knows that personal delusions sometimes actually affect outside reality. E-rants \r \r Feed Your Blog Over the Web
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