New Television Season
Posted on August 14, 2008
Since writing for television has always been one of my goals in life, it has come to my attention that the current television season has the...how shall I put this delicately? ...the odor of three week old road kill. I feel it\'s time to dump some of these programs that are currently insulting our intelligence and replace them with programs that will make us violently ill instead.
Being the Secret Ambassador to Better Television Quality and that I frequently fall under the category of Capitalist Pig, it just so happens that I have several pilots on the shelf, waiting to be shot, and guaranteed to send the viewer scrambling for the remote control. I can do this, because now that the writers strike is over, I can walk down the street without being called a \"scab.\" (Show of hands. How many television writers out there didn\'t go home and continue to write scripts during the strike? Shame on you.)
You may ask, \"Hey, what qualifies this guy to dictate what I\'m going to watch on television?\" First of all, there is someone out there right now, making a pretty hefty salary, I might add, suggesting you watch \"Cashmere Mafia.\"
Now for my qualifications. Yes, it\'s true, my original goal was to become the \"Couch Potato\" (or \"Couch Potatoe\" in case Dan Quayle is reading this) of all times. I mean, to the point that my picture would appear next to the phrase \"couch potato\" in the next printing of Webster\'s Dictionary. That\'s when I decided that if someone is going to write this tripe, why not me?
In addition to those qualifications, I am also the creator of several, yet to be sold pilots, including \"Donny and Marie Love Joanie and Chachi.\" There\'s also my series about a hip California Army recruiting office called, \"77 Sunset Strip to Your Shorts.\" And a game show I know would have caught on, if only I had a chance, \"Spitting For Dollars.\"
So, now I\'m obviously going to have to dust off these soon to be epics and include a few new ones. Some of these to watch out for include:
1. A lying, womanizing mobster becomes the interpreter of a divine higher being in the new dramatic series, \"Turning A Prophet.\"
2. You\'ll laugh until your sides split when a Wyoming rancher decides to give up herding horses and maintains a farm of monkeys in the new hit comedy, \"Harry\'s Simian Corral.\"
3. Since reality shows seem to be an increasing threat to our paranoiac phobias, I\'ve created a new series bound for syndication, as well as a forty share, \"Traffic Court.\" Tune in weekly to watch unscrupulous drivers making illegal rights-on-red. Feel the tension mount as you ride with a meter maid and wait patiently with her as she sits, with pad in hand, until the red violation flag pops up on a meter in a handicapped space. Experience the courtroom drama as a Cocker Spaniel is charged with driving without a license. \"Traffic Court.\" There\'s just no stopping the action, drama, or the reality of another show made to grab a group of sensationalistic, sadistic spectators.
4. For the youngster who is too young to understand the plight of the hormonally active teenager and too old for kiddy shows now available, I bring you \"Sesame Street 90210.\"
5. Game shows will always be a staple on television and I\'ve got the one that will make you shake your head in dismay. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to shoplift, without writing to Winona Ryder? Then join contestants as they go into busy department stores to see who can gather up the most loot in \"Steal Or No Steal.\"
6. Finally, what television really needs right now is another daytime talk show. One that will be different from all the others. That\'s why I\'ve come up with \"Peak-Say.\" A talk show done entirely in Pig Latin, with host Rew-Day Arey-Cay.
So, if the current television season is getting you down, don\'t despair. One of my shows could get picked up.
Now, if I could just come up with a cooking show with some excitement. Maybe the Betty Crocker Cook-off done entirely in the nude. Nah, too many opportunities for third degree burns.
http://www.purpleslinky.com/writers/Carl%20Megill.19266
\r http://www.telewatcher.com/Telewatching/The-New-Television-Season.86117
News From Another Dimension - Part I
In a surprise move by Congress, more changes are on the way in how consumers will receive their favorite broadcast television programs in the near fut...
Home Based Businesses Can Host Virtual Parties
The holidays are here, woohoo! Company holiday parties are going on all over the place and us entrepreneurs feel left out because we don't work for a...
Hurricane Alberto; A Tropical Illegal Alien
As we are worried about illegal aliens, we must also be worried about an even more devastating trend coming across our borders. Hurricanes. The 2006 H...
How to Plan Your Next Baby Shower Brunch Menu
When you are planning a baby shower that includes brunch you will have many possibilities and decisions to make.Baby shower menus may vary depending o...
Comic Strips - The Boondocks
The Boondocks is a daily comic strip and now a weekly animation that was created by Aaron McGruder in 1997. Aaron was born in Chicago and went to the...
How To Get In Shape Before Summer - A Quick And Safe Weight Loss Method - Free Tips
The sooner you start losing weight the faster you get in shape. It is now a couple of month before the sunny season starts and if you start now with d...
Is Business Behaving Badly or is the Blob of Bureaucracy to Blame?
Many US citizens believe that the corporate world is totally corrupt and of course they believe this because they have been told by the mass media hys...
Birthday Party Supplies for Summer Events
Even though the weather doesn't feel like it in certain parts of the country, we are hitting the spring and summer party season. With the warm weather...
How To Protect Yourself Against Holiday Identity Theft Traps
Holidays are a dangerous time in terms of identity theft whether because of people using their credit cards more often, or because they are less care...
Your Solid Password!
Passwords, yes, sometimes those can be a problem. How do you make a password up that is impossible to break yet make it easy enough for you to remembe...
The Broke College Students’ Guide to Writing and Sending Holiday Cards
Want to send holiday wishes to your loved ones but you're lacking time and money? We've thought up the perfect way to do it! Put up a special MySpace ...
Profile of Comedian Dave Chappelle
David, Dave, Chappelle was born in Washington, D.C., on August 24, 1973. Chappelle is known as a comedian, satirist, and actor. His interest in comedy...
’Tis the Season to be Frauded
Internet Business Owners all over the world are bracing themselves for the Christmas rush, the fraudulent charges, and credit card chargebacks that co...
Sponge Bob Square Pants Party Theme for Childrens Parties
There is probably not a child alive who doesnt watch Sponge Bob Square Pants on television. After all, hes an innocent sponge living in the sea with h...
Toddler Favorite Parties
When toddlers have a birthday, their favorite television shows often become the theme that their parties are centered around. It gives us the greates...
» Filed Under
Humor Jokes