Of Men And Purses
Posted on July 11, 2008
I have always been a critic of women and their purses. First of all, they can't seem to find anything. A case in point is when they prepare to use a car. They will hunt, dig and scrounge through their purses usually dumping everything out on the table or in the car seat. Eventually, they will retrieve the keys from among a pile of gum wrappers, tubes of lipstick, makeup kits, etc. Then it's off down the road as if nothing unusual happened at all.
Now! What about men? Well, they seem to be organized. At least they have a special place for everything.
One Saturday, I stopped by Linda's One Stop for a soda and a package of peanuts. "Might as well fill up while I'm here," I mumbled and pulled up to the gas pumps. I stowed the keys in my left front jeans pocket then pumped five gallons of gas into the tank. Afterward, I returned the gas cap to its proper place and strolled toward the store entrance.
Inside I located an assortment of sodas on a back wall and retrieved a 20 ounce RC cola from the cooler and a package of salted peanuts from a nearby shelf. I placed the items on the counter by the register and begin to open the peanuts. Linda (not the owner) asked me if that was all. I nodded in response and she rang up the total. After retrieving the checkbook from my right rear pocket, a pen from my left shirt pocket I commenced to write out the check. Always needing some cash, I made the check for twenty dollars.
Before leaving the counter I drank the pop down some and had begun funneling the peanuts into the bottle with my cupped left hand when Linda offered me my change. I hurriedly returned the pen to my shirt pocket, the checkbook to my right rear jeans pocket and finally took the change Linda so patiently stood offering.
Upon close inspection of the bottle cap, I found that it contained a 'winner'. I have won a free pop! Therefore, I stuck the cap in my left shirt pocket for safe keeping and inserted the coins in my right front jeans pocket. I took the wallet from my left hip pocket, stored the bills there then replaced the wallet. I started to hand Linda the peanut wrapper but stuck it in my left jeans pocket instead, thinking I could dispose of it later.
On my way back to the truck, I took the keys from my left front pocket, dropping the peanut wrapper in the process. I picked it up and stuck it in my left shirt pocket.
Later, while driving down Main Street, I finished the soda and stuck the peanut wrapper in the empty pop bottle.
"Wow!" I thought, "If only men carried purses everything would be so simple."
Hello, I'm Benjamin Cox. I am 63 years old and have been writing for thirty years. I written a lot of poetry and short stories and also a novel, Insider Dreams. I am the president of Mayes County Writers Club, the treasurer of Pryor Creek Investment Club and a member of Will Rogers Toastmasters Club. I am married and have three children and five grand children. I enjoy writing and write every day.
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