Sometimes Life Just Ain’t Funny
Posted on August 2, 2008
There's an old southern saying that goes, "Don't like the weather? Just hang around a few minutes. It'll change."
Anyone who's spent much time in Alabama can relate to that one. It's not uncommon to wake up to a blue sky filled with brilliant sunshine and white puffy clouds, then go to bed that evening with the wind and rain beating against your window. Alabama weather is about as predictable as watching The Jerry Springer Show. You know something's going to happen, you're just not sure what it will be.
Given the unpredictability of Alabama weather, I sometimes wonder why television stations bother employing weathermen at all. Oh sure, they razzle-dazzle us with their color radars and storm trackers and incoherent weather-speak, and when the weather is popping we can count on them to keep us well-informed, but on an average day you could get just as accurate a forecast by calling the Psychic Hotline.
I've got an eighty-year-old aunt who predicts the weather with what she calls her "magic bunion." To be honest, the magic bunion is not as easy to look at as color radar (it's actually pretty disgusting), but it's usually right on the money when it comes to predicting rain or drought (it throbs when it's going to rain and itches when it's not). Okay, it's not a perfect science, but the magic bunion would never interrupt your favorite show just to tell you it's raining in Tokyo, as many TV weathermen would.
Most television stations seem to think that, when it comes to predicting the weather, a magic bunion just isn't enough. They all have a meteorologist or two on staff, though they rarely speak of meteors, and enough weather gizmos and gadgets to make Mr. Wizard green with Doppler envy. Some stations have taken things to the next level by reporting the weather from outside of all places. It makes sense, I guess, since that's where the majority of weather occurs. And it's sure to cut down on the number of missed forecasts since all they have to do is look up. It's hard to predict sunshine when rain is falling on your head.
While I make light of TV weathermen and their toys, I do take the weather very seriously. North Alabama is my home. It's also the place my grampa often called, "the ass end of tornado alley." In modern weather-speak, that means that North Alabama is historically prone to weather patterns that could (and often do) spawn dangerous storms and tornadoes. Most North Alabamians have either lived through such a storm themselves or know someone who has.
Myself, included.
April 7, 1974: a night when dozens of tornadoes ripped through North Alabama, causing much damage and loss of life. I remember sitting on the back porch of my Limestone County home with my old man, watching a spindly tornado pass by just a few miles to the north. What were we doing outside in such a storm, propped up on milk crates like two yokels waiting on a bus to take them to the big city? You'd have to know my old man to appreciate the answer to that one. You see, he was one of those men who would rather stand outside and face a storm head-on than get caught hiding from it in a bathtub. At the time, I thought it was pretty cool, sitting out there with him in the rain, watching the butts of his cigarettes float off the edge of the porch. It was the ultimate father and son bonding ritual: two brave souls valiantly facing Mother Nature and all that. Looking back now, I can see that we were not heroes. We were just a couple of idiots who were too stupid to be scared.
Last week, Alabama was faced once again with an onslaught of killer storms much like those that hit in 1974. During the storm that passed over my house, it rained harder than I've ever seen it rain before. Powerful gusts of wind blew my plastic porch furniture down the street and the night sky was alive with heavy thunder and brilliant flashes of lightning. My TV weather buddies told me that a severe thunderstorm was headed my way and they encouraged me to seek shelter. Hmm, maybe they weren't such bad guys to have around, after all.
My wife and daughters were snugly bedded down in the bathtub. Heavy blankets, candles, a battery-powered radio, a box of Ding-Dongs and a jug of Kool Ade were close by. My wife, in her infinite wisdom, wanted to be prepared for a power outage or a sudden case of the munchies.
And where was I during this potentially deadly storm? For the most part, I was sitting on the toilet singing Barney songs with my girls. But there was a moment when I stepped out onto the front porch to face the oncoming unknown. I stared up into the black sky and waited for a flash of lightning to illuminate the clouds, to reveal what was hiding up there. After a minute, I decided there was nothing to see. I turned to go inside, but not before stealing one last look at the storm.
I briefly thought of my old man.
I wondered if he was doing the same.
Tim Knox
Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker, Radio Host
Check Out Tim's New Radio Show! =>http://www.timknoxshow.com
Preorder Tims New Book =>Everything I Know About Business I Learned From My Mama
http://www.timknox.com/amazon/
Being Funny Is Cool - Just Ask My Mom
Imagine this lifestyle. You walk into a crowd filled with attractive people. Each person you approach looks at you with a seductive stare. Some ask yo...
Give Spam a Second Chance - Easy Ways to Find Humor You Can Use
Just hear me out when I say to give Spam a second chance. Not the spam that claims to grow body parts, asks for your bank account number, or promises ...
How to Make a Funny Home Video
What is the cheapest and easiest way to get rid of the blues? Make a funny home video - a video hilarious enough that it can make your sides and cheek...
Bumper Stickers Now Capture Your Favorite Funny T-Shirt Sayings
The t-shirt has been around for quite a few years, and certainly changed from its original use; a simple undergarment for men; today you can get many ...
Funny Quote Sayings Get A New Use On Bumper Stickers
For decades, the book "Bartlett's Familiar Quotes" has been around; giving writers and speech-makers a whole host of inspiring words. In amongst all t...
The ‘Other’ Side of Humor
The magic mantra for the success of any business is the ability to understand the nerves of one's target. Analyzing today's business market, nothing s...
Humorous Thought For The Day
Imagine a web site where you go on a daily basis to see a humorous thought for the day. Better yet, what if that site delivers the humorous thought f...
Top 7 Tips To Laugh Hard And Often To Tune-Up Your Immune System
Our mood and attitude have a tremendous bearing on the function of our immune system. When we are happy and up, our immune system functions much bette...
Laugh In Your Love Life: Make Women Laugh And Attract Them
Laughter is really important in a woman's life. If you can go to a cafe, club or a park and start a conversation with a woman you can ask her what are...
Win a Stand Up Comedy Talent Show
If you think you are funny and good at telling jokes, you could win a stand up comedy talent show. What's the first two important ways to win:1. Get a...
How To Be Funny: 20 Tips and Ideas
How can one be funny? Is there a science to it? After lots of observation and studying humor devices, I've found that there are many common ways to ...
Failure In Stand Up Comedy - Into Success
Being not quite funny enough in stand-up comedy is almost as bad as being a complete failure. At least if you are a complete failure, you know you sho...
Another One of Those Days
I never thought that I would be cooking rice for my grandson's finches in my golden years. I am also feeding parakeets, cat, fish and hamsters while ...
Humor - An Introduction
Humor. What is it? Humor is different things to different people. One person may find it awfully funny to see somebody trip over a couch and do a p...
Fact Is Funnier Than Comedy
When I need a chuckle, I try to watch a sitcom or read the funnies. When my need for comedy is greater, then I invest my time in watching a complete m...
» Filed Under
Humor Jokes