Wrestling Giants - The Sun and The Mars Bar
Posted on September 15, 2008
As supermarkets take centre stage for battles between Pepsi and Coke, Carlsberg and Heineken, McDonaldss and Burger King it begs to ask the question what other businesses are fighting for the sum of money you usually find in your trouser pocket?
In a world where virtually any company can compete against everyone, the Mars Bar and The Sun are having a rivalry across all available frontiers. Though we have not (yet) come to an age where you can eat and read a newspaper, both are ancient in existence and with the same price tag they are eternally battling for the Queens nose. Indeed at 50p they are surely worth every penny for whatever it is they offer - pleasure, humor, satisfaction, sodium bicarbonate?
The Mars Bar at a towering figure of 17cm swaggers into the ring in a hefty but chocolaty costume of 17 grams, 5 ounces. Engulfed by its adolescent audience, the Mars strikes an expressionless pose to the photographers whilst its competitor waits edgily on canvas. The Sun - guarded by its army of supplements and pull-outs waits tentatively ready to do battle.
The tabloid edges popularity in the U.K. with 3.3 million copies sold daily whilst the Mars finds itself universally admired with an $18 billion empire across 65 countries. Undoubtedly the Mars has spent much of that money on aiding its brothers and sisters Mars Snack Size, Mars Delight, Mars Duo whilst The Sun has also spawned a number of siblings in Sun Bingo and SunSingles. In fact this match could have easily been a tag team affair but with one contestant per team there will be no interference tonight.
No doubt both corners are riding on the outcome of the contest; with the Mars going in as the slight favorite. Certainly with the capacity to cure temporary hunger, the alleged ability to keep the doctor away and a layer of caramel the Mars has emerged the popular choice. Nevertheless in a bold move this week, The Sun has come out this by publishing its adversarys weaknesses.
The Mars Bar, as The Sun points out, is known for its bad health, bad dieting and poor stamina. Having a considerable amount of acne the chocolate is hardly a pin-up either, and with reporters suggesting disfiguration if the temperature rises above 40C the Mars could already be looking down for the count. Along with rumors of carrying meat extract, the pre-match drugs test for the Mars could be a celebration in itself for its contingent.
In fact where the Mars Bar is already filled with partially hydrated soybean oil, The Sun looks to distract its opponents. Known for the one-two combination of Soduku and Mystic Meg the tabloid aims to fluster its adversary. The tabloid able to inform, humor and persuade its opponent into submission will only want to avoid the inevitable barrage of beverages (and criticism) from the spectators.
As the fight begins, its clear the match is more than endurance rather a test of mental strength. The Sun starts intimidating its opponent by forecasting tomorrows front page edition Mars Munches Defeat. Instinctively the chocolate bar attempts to land the first punch of the match; but the tabloid almost immediately expecting it goes on a counter-offence. Rapping around its opponent like a boa constrictor The Sun has quite literally tightened his grip upon the match. The Mars is looking down for the count as it stands immobile; anxiously waiting for the bell.
This match could be over in a matter of moments - The Mars not the most flexible of competitors unlike perhaps bubble game or candy floss - is trying to squirm its way out but The Sun is having none of it. Thirty seconds left, and it looks as if the sell by date on this Mars Bar is about to run out. And there it is! The Mars has fallen! The Mars has fallen! The fickle figure falls whilst The Sun returns to its true A4 layout and waits for the ref to count to ten. The ref counts, the tabloid taunts and the audience shocked - eightnineten and he has done it!
Acting on impulse the ref makes his way to collect and carry the crown The Sun has clearly been longing for the 50 pence piece. He knows that with this unanimous, undisputed and unsurpassable victory, that the tabloid has earned at least some respectability.
By Joel Girling
All About Donald Trump and Rosie
Donald Trump and Rosie - I'm sure you have seen the youtuber videos of both of them, ranting up and down, and even the r wrestling match between them....
Take Me to the Sun
Our space program has received in recent times new encouragement from the Administration and also has been made to suffer the negative publicity creat...
Following In The Footsteps of Giants
This week, a beloved figure in Toronto, a business mogul, philanthropist, and a forward thinker who changed the landscape of retail business, the urba...
Sweet Trivia Question And Answer
1. Chocolate is made from cocoa beans. But where do cocoa beans grow?r A. On treesr B. On bushesr C. On vinesr D. On rootsr r A. On treesr TOPICS: Coc...
How Does Antivirus Software Work?
If you want to make sure that youre protected from viruses, you should get some antivirus software. This software can offer peace of mind, even for ex...
Manufactured Home Loans
Home loans can be borrowed to purchase the finance of a manufactured home. However, unlike conventional home mortgages, loans for manufactured homes a...
Mundane Uses For Super Powers
If the world ever gets its mits on someone with real super powers, the results are likely to be a lot less spectacular than portrayed by comic book an...
Your Amazing Baby Shower - Make it So With Great Baby Shower Game Ideas
Is the idea of having a baby shower turning you in to a nervous wreck? Then relax! Help is here to make your "big day" truly memorable and turn you in...
Free Online Trivia Game Questions
Question: What is the tallest mountain in the world?Answer: EverestTrivia Teaser: Mt. Everest, on the border of Nepal and Tibet, China, is the world's...
Celebrating Father’s Day
This weekend marks another Fathers Day and while Im not fond of holidays that have been kidnapped and raised by Madison Avenue executives -- I am very...
The Dust Settles On Miss America
When I was a hormonally-challenged lad of eleven or so, the Miss America Pageant was a very big deal to me. After all, it was the one night of the yea...
Inlaws Inlaws Inlaws
Weddings must be among the happiest days of the lives of all families. So why do we dread them so much?Preparing a wedding can be an organizational ni...
Monstrous Trivia
1. The Abominable Snowman, Yeti, Bigfoot, and Sasquatch appear in one form or another in which epics?r A. Ancient Sumaria epicr B. Russian literaturer...
Weekend Adventure–A New Trend in Bachelor Parties
Bachelor parties are about guys getting together, sharing old stories, and maybe creating some new ones. They are a chance for the best man to send th...
My Apologies To All Pregnant Women
My sons birthday is coming up in a month or so. If you have a kid, there is a propensity to fondly recall the whole birthing experience as the special...
» Filed Under
Humor Jokes